Water falls...

Today have been a weird day…I have realised though that I am depressed which is not so good…and I’m bursting with feelings that should come out…but they wont because I wont let them…I can’t let them out…I want to tell Him how I feel…but would that change anything? Would he leave her then? I don’t think so…and now it’s even worse…it feels like something have happened that have driven a wedge in between us…he feels so distant like as if he have gotten tired of me…which he might as well could have…and that hurts…so why should I pour my heart out to him then and risk to get even more hurt?
Or should I lay all my cards on the table? And tell him just how much he means to me? How he makes me feel when we are together? Tell him that I have never had these strong feelings before? I can’t…I’m afraid to be so vulnerable…I’m alone and I have to be strong…I can’t let my guard down…even if I am bursting inside…
Ok…so now I guess I just need to turn on the water and let it all out for awhile…I’m alone so I can do that…


"I don’t think that I will win this

I’d like to think I will
But honestly I don’t

I think I’ve lost my heart to someone
Who cannot care
Who cannot be there

So why do I do such a stupid thing then?
When I knew from the start
That I couldn’t have his heart
Not completely anyway

I don’t know how this could happen
I don’t understand it
I’m not usually like this
I don’t give it away so easily
I’m too scared to get hurt

I don’t want to get hurt
But I will
Sooner or later
Yes I know this
Because it’s me who is the loser in this
I really don’t think that I will win this

That’s why I get so mad
At myself
For letting myself feel
All these feelings
Why couldn’t I just keep my heart closed?
Like I have done for a long time
Why did I have to let him in?

Everyone knows
How hard it feels
To love someone
That cannot be yours
To feel that feeling of
Hopelessness
And to know that
Nothing will ever change..."

puss puss p...gud vad jag tycker om dig...