Monday, 21 May 2007

I'm so confused...

I don't know what to feel anymore...I feel sad...sad for being me...sad for the fact that the man I want don't want me...and sad for the fact that I don't really see any other men besides him...sure I talk to them and am as I always am...nice and kind...but I can't give them anything more than my friendship no matter how nice they are back...because I have already lost my heart unfortunately...and yes I say infortunately because it's a lost cause...a dead race...and it's not fair...if it wasn't meant to be why did it happen then?
I talk to him...oh I really love talking to him but sometimes it feels like we run out of words...and that is not fun...it feels like he's actually getting tired of talking to me...I know I know....it's probably not so and if I'd ask him he would say that it's not so but yet it feels like it...and I'm fully aware of the fact that he can't really talk to me whenever he want because of her....but still...and this I probably have said many times before....sending an sms every now and then doesn't take that long....I mean he has to visit the loo sometimes, right? And he doesn't have to write a long sms either...because I know that he doesn't like writing sms...but still...sometimes we have to do things that we don't like and if it's for a good cause then it can't be that bad, can it? I mean, he knows that it really makes me happy to hear from him...just like it did in the beginning when he was really good at staying in touch...and telling me just how much he missed me, and longed for me, and thought about me...he says he does all those things now too...and if that's true...then why can't he just tell me that then? I don't know that he does actually...how can I know really?...he's taken...which means that he probably have feelings for her too....so how can I be sure of the he has feelings for me, really? I need him to tell me that...I have low self-confidence...I do assume the worst in many cases...just because I am so insecure...
Oh honey, why should it hurt so? I thought love should feel wonderful...oh yeah that's right...it does when it mutual...when the one you like - like you back just as much...then it really is wonderful...a bliss...but as for right now...it just hurts... :(

"Please snugglepuff,
Look into your heart
And you will see
Just what I have
Already seen
I just need you
To discover it too
The fact that
You need me and
I need you too

I know it’s true
That it should be
Me and you
Otherwise life
Wouldn’t have
Put me
On your path

I have something
That you need
That I want
You to have
So just open up
And see
That it really
Should be
Just you and me…"


Oh I really do like him more than words can say.... puss puss p...

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