I'm back...

I’m back…and I think I’m feeling a bit depressed actually…I can’t stop thinking about food and goes out into the kitchen ever so often to see if there is anything in there to eat…but there isn’t…I have some candy but it’s not so appealing actually…I want something else…what I just don’t know…anyway…
This weekend have made me see that liking someone as much as I do is not easy to do…especially if that love cannot be returned, not completely anyway…and it hurts actually…I have been home for 2 days now and he hasn’t called me yet…that rejected feeling is starting to come over me again…I know I know…I’m being stupid but who said that you’re rational when you are in love?
Anyway…I did produce some short poem-like texts this weekend but they’re all pretty grey and sad…I have come to realise that perhaps the best thing to do is actually to give up…to just let him go and try to find someone else…someone that is free to love me…
So…here will follow a few short texts on how confused I am and how it hurts and so on…overall my confused thoughts and all the heartache I feel… hahaha

"So hard, so hard
This parting will be
But I think it’s for
The best for me
I have so many feelings
And it hurts so
And the feelings
Gets more and more
Each day

I don’t want to hurt you
I want to see you
Meet you
Talk to you
I want to love you
But you make it
Hard for me
I can’t understand
Why I have to be
Alone
Was this the meaning
With my life?
To get a taste of
How wonderful it
Could be
But never have it
Completely?
Where’s the fairness
In that?

So, I think
I have to go
I don’t want to
My heart screams
“NO!!!”
But my head says
“It’s for the best…
Leave him alone
And let him live his life…”
It sounds right
But why does it
Hurt so then?"

"I want to be near you
I like you
I want to touch you
I like you
I want to be touched by you
I like you
I want you to want me
As much as I want you
I like you

And all this is
Tearing on me
Not knowing where
I got you
And knowing only
That when you’re
Not with me
You’re with her…"

"What am I doing?
How can it feel
So right
And so wrong
At the same time?
Why do I feel
Like I want
To cry
So very often?
I’m jealous
Of everyone
That has someone
I want one too
I want to be loved
To be the
Only one…"

"I’m confused
I don’t know
What to do
I don’t know
What to say
How to act
I want to tell
You so much
All what I feel
But I’m afraid
I’ll push you away
Sometimes that
Can happen
Believe me I know
Unfortunately…"

"I need to let go
I know I do
But it’s so hard
When all I want
Is you
I’m more in to you
Than I’ll admit
And in a situation
Like this
That’s no good
Anytime else it
Would have been
Great
But now…
No…
So that’s why
I have to let
Go…"