Time goes by when you're having fun...

Ok so now it has been awhile since I wrote an entry…but I have been really busy lately and not to mention out of the country too…last week beginning with Thursday I visited another great big love of my life…I went to Ireland for about 1 week. I had a great time and I went there with my best friend and her boyfriend. My friend and I went to a couple of concerts and then we did some travelling…but for the most part we just stayed in Dublin seeing the shops in the city centre
And now I’m back but tomorrow or later today actually I’m going away again…I’m going to visit Him with a capital H…and I’m going to have a great time too.
I miss him and I really long for him…to hug him and kiss him and just cuddle some…we are going to watch some movies as well…
So, now after spending a week abroad and not being able to talk to him on the phone it was really nice that he called me twice today…Oh I just love to hear his voice…I want him…I want him to be mine…for the rest of my life…it feels a bit scary to think like that but it’s true…I really do want him…
Oh well I have to go now…have to get some sleep before I have to get up in about 5 hours…so you all who just happen to drop by…have a great time until next time we meet…bye bye…

Yet another day have passed...

Oh my…here I go again…another long and sad evening…oh well...I have decided to once again give up…I’m not cut out for this game…I get too emotional…and it’s hard when you don’t get the respond you want and need.
And it’s not his fault either…I won’t blame him…I can only blame myself…I like him too much to ever think anything bad about him…and he really is doing the best he can…and then if doing his best is not being with me…then perhaps after all this wasn’t meant to be…perhaps someone really was just playing a joke on me…it sure feels like that…I guess I just have to accept it…and by any chance luck would come my way I sure would be surprised…happy but surprised…
But as it is now…actually I’m really starting to wonder if this wasn’t just a spur of the moment…a fun thing at the right moment and now when that moment have passed…what’s left? Just a clinging girl who’s starting to be plain boring and a pain in the butt? He has a life already…why would he wanna trade it for a better one? Hahaha he would so not like this if he was reading it…I’m sure he wouldn’t like reading anything on this blog…and that’s why he don’t have the address… :)
Anyway…”How can you know that it would be a better life?” you might think…well for the simple reason that it would be with me… :D …hahaha…well cut me some slack here…I have to have a little bit of self-confidence…I have to believe that I am the best thing for him…that I’m a great person over all… so sometimes I have express some self-confident if not so only for my own well-being….

"My dear Snugglepuff,
Should we stop?
Have we realised that
This really isn’t such
A good idea?
We don’t talk as much
Anymore.
Maybe I was just right
For the moment
And now I’m,
Yesterday’s news
And you can go
Back to the
Familiar again
And I will just
Fade away.
I like you so very much
Actually so much
I can’t really put
Words on how much
It’s confusing..."

puss puss p...

Wise things heard on TV...

"People makes mistakes...
They learn, they change and they grow..."

I just wonder...

Why does it hurt so?

Nothing...

"So many emotions, so many feelings
Tears are rolling down my cheeks
Confusion running around
Emotions bubbling up inside
I have to let it out
I have to set it free
I can’t keep it inside anymore
Tears are rolling down my cheeks

I can’t put words on the feelings
I don’t know what to say
I want to explain, but
I’m afraid
I want you to understand
I want to change the future
I want so much more
I want something that I can’t have

I can’t help it
I can’t really stop it
I didn’t count on it
I just have to let it happen
Tears are rolling down my cheeks
I can’t stop them
They have to get out
Confusion still running around
Bugging me with thoughts
About wonderful things
Things that I can’t have

I hate this
I hate it because I’m helpless against it
I want to be in control
But I can’t control this
I might be able to hold it down
I want to explain to you
But I can’t
You can’t know
You don’t understand
And most importantly
It wouldn’t change a thing

‘cause I can’t win this
I’m not even sure how to play
I don’t know what to say"

Another *sigh*...

Sigh…today haven’t felt so good…sure I’ve talked to him but still there something that doesn’t feel right…I probably just like him too much I guess…and I’m just being silly…I hope that I will see him again soon…because I have so many questions for him…things I need to know…
I wonder why I worry so much…before him I went on just fine with my life…why shouldn’t I be able to do it now then? Oh I hate this feeling…and when I think about it I have always hated this feeling…because you see…all my life I have went around falling for guys…at least I did when I was younger and pretty much everyone turned me down…but that didn’t stop the feeling to be there…to go around and feeling so much for a person that doesn’t feel the same way about you…and that’s how it feels now…I know that he says that he likes me and that he cares for me…and I do believe him…but still this whole situation…in a perfect world he would already have been mine…ahh….wait…now I get it…it makes perfect sense now…we don’t live in a perfect world…that’s it…ahh…feeling so much better…not…nope…the feeling is still there…and I know that I can’t say this to him because either I’d scare him away with all the feelings and I don’t want that…or he will just tell me how stupid I am and that I don’t trust him when he says that he really likes me and then he will leave anyway…so you see…it’s a lose lose situation… :(

"I believe in love
I believe in faith
I believe that everything happens
For a reason
So what’s the reason this time?
Why should I meet you?
Why should you be so wonderful?
In every way
I just wonder
What’s this all about?"

"I feel so sad
And so blue
And it’s all
Because of you
It’s amazing how you
Can make me feel
All these things you do
Make me believe it’s real
When clearly it will never be
Just you and me…"

puss puss p...

*sigh*...

Damn…right now it doesn’t feel any good….I feel so sad, so sad…it’s so hard to even think about him with her…I don’t want that…and on top of that we kind of had an argument…or perhaps it wasn’t really…more like an misunderstanding…but still it didn’t feel good…I don’t want him to feel that I hurt him in any way…because that was never my intention…but can you blame a girl for wanting some attention?
I know…I am pathetic…I should just let him go and move on, shouldn’t I? I wish it was that easy…I really do wish that…because everything would be so much easier then…I wouldn’t go around feeling all these feelings that I do and I wouldn’t have to go around counting the days until I get to see him next…perhaps I should just make myself believe that he will never leave his gf and absolutely not for me…if I could only get him to say it too…sure it would hurt but I rather have the truth now before I get even more in love with him…wow…I just realised something…I really am in love with him…damn…that’s not good…”What? You realised that now? We have known that from the beginning.” you may think…well yeah perhaps I have too…but I don’t want to admit it…I just like him a lot…let’s stick to that…I like him a lot…and I will never ever get him either…sad…but true!


"I may dream a million dreams
But how can they come true
If there never ever will be
Another one like you?"

puss puss p...

Just a little piece...

"You can’t have everything
You want…I was told
But I don’t ask for everything
Just a little piece…I said
Just a little piece
So I can be happy
But that little piece will probably
Never be mine
Why?…I wonder
I’m just asking for a little piece
Not everything I want
Just a little piece…"

A slightly brighter day...

Ok…so today turned out a little bit better than I had hoped…I got to talk to him on the phone several times and then later on MSN which doesn’t happen so much nowadays…because she doesn’t like it…which I can understand in a way…but what about me then? I like it…I want it…why can’t I have it then? Oh my God how I like to hear this man’s voice!!

Well…it’s in the middle of the night…and I just stopped talking to him actually…I can’t get enough of him…I’m starting to feel rather silly actually…is it ok to feel this much for a guy who is taken? But then one have to ask oneself…what is it that says that just because he has a gf that she is the right one for him? What if it happens to be him and me who are the soul mates…shouldn’t we be allowed to be together then? If we even felt the connection between us over the Internet…and then when we met only 2 weeks later that gut feeling was just confirmed and it felt like we had known each other for ages…and not just 2 weeks…can anyone explain that for me please?
I really would like to understand how something like that could happen…because I have never experienced it before…not that immediate connection, that instant feeling of recognition…the feeling of coming home...
I know it sounds weird but that is how it was. When he hugged me that first time…I really felt like that was where I belonged…and I still do…so how can it be so wrong then? Tell me please…

"I wish you were here,
Here in my arms.
I wish I could tell you how
I feel about you,
And to know that you feel
The same way about me.
I wish I could shower you in love
In all possible ways.
I wish I could say
I love you..."

No words...

"Det finns inga ord som riktigt kan beskriva
vad jag känner för dig…
Bara musik…
Samma musik som får mitt hjärta att dansa
varje gång jag ser dig."


"There really are no words that can describe
What I feel for you…
Only music…
The same music that makes my heart dance
Every time I see you…"

Love...or not to love?

Ok...so since I'm up anyway...why not put in another entry?...:)...hahaha...
So...I’ve been thinking about this love thing…”no kidding” you might think but yes I have, and it’s not in the way you think…I think…:)
I have found out that love is quite a stupid thing actually…it only hurts people…just think of all those people that don’t have love in their life…how painful that must be for them especially if they have had a taste of it once upon a time…because then they’ll know what they miss…
Ok, there are those lucky few that actually do have love…or they think they do…but still I bet you that they too have some bitter experience about love…so if love is so cruel then why do we yearn for it so much?
Well the feeling of being loved is so wonderful that you totally forget all about the bad that might and most likely will come with it…just for that moment of bliss that you feel when you are close to the one you love and you feel how the love go both ways...it's wonderful...so I do understand why we want it so much...but really...come on...is it worth it?

"A promise of tomorrow
I see the future
I see what I want
But also what I can’t have
And that is what’s
Hurting so

The feeling of love
Is actually a rather
Painful one
Just think how it hurts
To be in love
The saying:
“I love you so much
It hurts!”
How true isn’t that?"

Oh my God how it hurts to like someone as much as I like him...this is not fair...it's not fair to me... and I miss him so...
So a word of advise...if you like someone that is already taken...run in the other direction before you get to involved...because the pain...ouch....you don't want to feel the pain...believe me...I know...
This is a very good advise...but will we follow it then? No, probably not...we're too emotional for that...we follow our hearts and think that that's the way to go...well well...one learns from one's mistakes so...I think it's called life...

puss puss p...

In the middle of the night...

So, here I am again…in the middle of the night…alone with my thoughts…I haven’t heard anything from him today…not that I expected I would but still…sometimes I do like to be surprised…but I did get an sms yesterday (Friday) evening…saying that he was thinking of me…which feels great…because that means that I’m still in his thoughts…:)…but not yet today…or wait…my mobile phone is beeping…hold on………who-hey! I got a new sms…from him…can one be any happier?…or wait I’ll take that back …one can be happier….but right now this is what I have to settle for… :)… and they keep on coming….:)…this really makes me feel so good…perhaps it will last throughout the night…and then tomorrow the waiting and feeling blue and forgotten starts over…it’s an evil circle…

"Oh snugglepuff,
I like you so much
That I want to
Carry you with me
In my pocket
Like a little breadcrum"

puss puss p...

Tell me...

"Do you ever wake up feeling lonely in the middle of the night... because you miss me? Do you darling?"

Feeling blue...

Hello...I'm feeling a little blue... :(

It feels like this weekend is going to be a long weekend :( …he’s not home so he will probably not call me at all during this long weekend…it’s not that I don’t understand…or perhaps it is…I don’t understand why he can’t choose me and leave her…no but really I do understand why he might not be able to call me this weekend…but I still want him too… :( …I know, I know…I’m confusing…I’m not sure that I understand myself sometimes…It's just that...i like him so much and to just hear his voice can do so much for me...

"Why, why does my heart beat for you?
Why, why does my tears run for you?
How, how can I feel so much for you?
How, how can it be possible?
When I just have gotten to know you.

So what if it feels like
We have known each other for ages?
So what if it feels like
We have seen each other a hundred times already?
I don’t care
I want to see you more anyway
Talk to you more anyway
All the time"

I hope you're having a nice time where ever you are...or do I really? hmm...I should, shouldn't I? but can I?...hmm I have to think about it...the best time would be if you where here with me...that I know for sure anyway... :)

puss puss p...

Music and me...and him...

Hello...again...
So I have been listening to some music…I love music…all kinds of it…and once in awhile you'll find that lyric that fits you or your situation perfectly…it tells all about your feelings and everything and you wonder if the person writing it might have thought about you when he/she wrote it…not that it even is the slightest chance that it might be possible, but you still do wonder…don’t you? Just because it fits like a hand in a glove…(if that even is a saying in English…haha…but you get the pic…right?)…and so I have found a couple of songs that fit more or less…usually more though…:) and here is one…
(I’ll put the lyrics here so that you can follow the song that will play if you hit the play button on the player down below… :) )

"Across the miles, it’s funny to me,
How far you are, but how near you seem to be
I could talk all night, just to hear you breathe,
I could spend my life, just living this dream,
You’re all I’ll ever need

You give me strength
You give me hope
You give me someone to love, someone to hold
When I’m in your arms, I need you to know,
I’ve never been, I’ve never been
this close

With all the loves I used to know,
I kept my distance I never let go,
But in your arms I know I’m safe
Cos I’ve never been held and I’ve never been kissed
In this way
oooh, you’re all I’ll ever need,
You're all I’ll ever need

You give me strength
You give me hope
You give me someone to love, someone to hold
When I’m in your arms, I need you to know,
I’ve never been, I’ve never been
this close

Close enough to see it’s true,
Close enough to trust in you,
Closer now than any words can say
Yeah yeah

And when…
When I’m in your arms, I need you to know,
I’ve never been, I’ve never been
this close

You give me strength, (you give me strength)
You give me hope, (you give me hope)
You give me (oh) someone to love, someone to hold
When I’m in your arms, I need you to know,
I’ve never been, I’ve never been (oh no I swear)
I’ve never been, I’ve never been
This close"



powered by ODEO

You are always in my thoughts...
puss puss p...

To snugglepuff...

"Snugglepuff,
I just want you to know
That you’re in my heart
And that I think about you
Every day
Every hour
Every minute
Just about every moment there is

Right now you’re sick
And I feel so sorry for you
I want to be there to
Care for you
To just be there
For you..."



"Det finns tro
Det finns hopp
Det finns liv
Om jag får höra din röst..."

puss puss p...

Gone with the wind...?

Hello again,
I just realised something today…and that is that every time I don’t hear from him in like all evening or all day I feel rejected as I mentioned earlier…but now I also know why…I’m afraid that he will forget me…that I will vanish from his mind…as his gf probably wish I did… :s
I’m afraid that I haven’t made a deep enough impression on him and that I’m just something that floats around on the top and will go away by the slightest wind….
So, perhaps it’s better that I will just forget about him and move on…and let him live his life with her…if that’s what he wants....

"Oh how my heart aches
I can feel it bleeding
It feels like an open wound

And every time I think of him
It’s like someone is
Pouring salt into it

Because he’s hers and not mine..."

puss puss p...

Feeling...

Hello again...nice to see that you're still here... :)
It’s strange really how people work…here I am feeling a bit happy but in the same time a bit sad…I got to talk to him today…he called me twice…and I’m so happy that he did because as I have mentioned earlier…I just love talking to him and hearing his voice…but then I feel a bit sad that he is so far away and that I can’t talk to him whenever I feel like it…because of her then too…and I really don’t want to bother him either…although he says that I don’t …that I can never bother him…oh how I wish he could be mine instead of hers…:(

So, so much...

"I want him so much
It scares me
And I don’t even know why
I don’t understand it
How can he be the one?
What is it that makes him so special?
Why should it feel so right with him
When he’s unavailable?
When he can’t be mine?
I don’t want to wait
I have been waiting far too long
I want something now
I want the beautiful thing that all couples have
I want love
I need love
And nearness
And closeness
And all things wonderful"