So true

"You want big rewards...you got to take big risks..."

True things heard on TV...

"Big girls need love too..."

And life goes on...unfortunately

Ok…so another day have passed…and I’m still all alone…oh well…I have been alone for rather many years now so actually it’s nothing new really…although if you get a taste of togetherness and then have it taken away from you…it kinda hurt some and you feel like you’re back on square one again…even though it’s not so…you’re still on the same square just little bit lonelier than before…
Anyway…today I called Him…but I send him an sms before and asked if it was ok to call him…aren’t I considerate so say? …no, I’m stupid that’s what I am…but hey someone has to be that too…:) anyway…I asked him if he didn’t want to spend a little time with me soon…I mean we are suppose to be friends so…I know I know…that might not be such a good idea…but you know what…I miss him…I really do miss him…I miss talking to him…I miss knowing he’s there…I miss getting his sms…and the hardest part is to accept that that will never happen again…and that makes me miss him even more…
So… I might be a little stupid…but right now…I think I’m going to be that…you’ll learn from your mistakes they say…and I really do hope that it will be a good lesson too…I need to come out of this much wiser than I was when I entered…and hopefully I will…but I still want him to spend time with me…I want him to wanting to spend time with me…I want him to miss me…and that is even harder…because I’m sure of that he’s not doing that… :(…I even wonder if I ever cross his mind…I’m not so sure about that either…
Ok…so we weren’t together for that long…but still long enough to make an impression…or so I hoped that I had…my friends always says that I make an impression the first time one meets me…one will remember me they say…and actually I think there is some truth to it…but…perhaps this time I failed…it didn’t last and I’m fading away…sad but true…so that’s why I need to hold on to that last straw of grass…so that I will be there…I the corner of his eye…always reminding him…and just be his friend…a really good friend…I’m the best friend there is…hahaha…yup that’s me…the constant friend…always a friend never a girlfriend…

Oh well…time to hit the sack…so to everyone that have someone…hold on to them…because you never know when a little bitchy ex will come and ruin your chances…
Bye now…

Och till dig lilla gubben…ja för för mig är du fortfarande lilla gubben…massor av kramar i natten…

Thinkable things heard on TV

"There is no sin in taking comfort in another lonely soul...if you wish..."

A new day...

OK…so yesterday (read Saturday) I did something unusual…but afterwards if felt really good…even though just before I did it, I felt ill and a pain in my stomach…but I did it and I’m glad I did…I went to visit His parents…all by myself…I know what you’re thinking…why on earth would you do such a thing? What’s the point? …well there is no point really except for the fact that I really like his parents…and they seem to like me too…anyway I spent 3 hours there eating apple pie (that I had brought…I had even made it myself…) and just talking about everything and nothing and a little bit about Him…they too thought it was sad that things didn’t work out…as I am…but hey…life goes on…and it did…last night (read Saturday night) actually…
I went out again…for the sixth time in the last 5 weeks…and I had so much fun…I met all kinds of people and I talked to them too…I probably flirted a little with some and a lot with others…hahahaha…but my God how many good-looking guys there are out there… :D …I want to go out again…and I will soon…suddenly I feel like 20 again partying all the time…but actually it’s not so much the partying as it is the social part of it all…the meeting new people and talking to them and just having fun with them…and then if the evening ends in a particular nice way…so what? I’m adult…I can do whatever I want…I am my own boss…there is no one who can tell me what to do… :) …that’s what being an adult is all about…you got to decide for yourself and it feels wonderful to do so…so life goes on…that just how it is…you can feel like you have the world upon your shoulders…but tomorrow…how ever you twist and turn…will still be another day…a new day…full of fresh beginnings…so carpe diem…that’s what I’m going to do…

Good night!

Massor av kramar till lilla gubben dock…

Wednesday

So…yesterday I had a talk with Him…even if he felt that we had nothing to talk about I felt that I had a lot that I needed to say…and I did…and afterwards it actually felt a lot better. So now we have agreed to be friends…how can you be friends with him? Some might think…not just because the way he broke up with you but because you have feelings for him…well…I feel that I have a lot more to gain in being friends with him than I have if I never talked to him ever again…and yes it’s true…I do have some feelings for him…but since he, obviously, don’t like me the same way…what can I do? I can’t very well force myself upon him, right? I want someone to like me for me and if they don’t I can’t do so much about it…I can however be friends with him and make him see what a big mistake he made when he let me go… :) and that is true because he did…I’m the best thing that could ever happened to him…and a hell of lot better than that bitch of an ex of his…he’s just too blind to see that…and too whipped by the ex to break free…even though that’s exactly what he needs to do…

So…now life goes on…and I have to move on…which probably is the harder thing to do…I mean life do go on whether you like it or not…that’s just how it is…but then you have to pull yourself together and move along with it…and do something…forget about all the stupid people who doesn’t know a good thing even when it’s standing right in front of them…and just focus on yourself…and do things that will make you happy…
At least that’s what I’m planning on doing…I’m going to start doing weird things…things that’s not normal for me to do…and things other people think that you can’t do…those are the things I shall do…
And you know why?
…just because I can… :)

I hope you’ll have a great day…mine was so and so…but it’s ok...I’m still hanging in there so… :)

So to my friend…massor av kramar på dig lilla gubben…

Hindsight

"So, now it’s over
It’s really over
But we’re still friends

Someday he’ll wake up
And suddenly realise
What a mistake he have made

And then he will wonder
How he can fix it?
But it might and
Probably will be
Too late

I wonder how he will feel then
Perhaps a little bit like I do now
A bit sad and lost and alone
And having the feeling of nothingness

And with the knowing that it could have been
So much more…"

Open your eyes and see

"Why do people choose things that are bad for them?
Why can’t they see that life is too short to not
Take a chance every now and then?
Why do people stay with the familiar even though
It hurts them?
Why are some people so blind?"

It hurts like hell...

Why does it hurt so? It shouldn't but it does...why does one want someone that clearly doesn't want one back? Isn't that the story of my life...always wanting what I can't have...? Although this time I really didn't do anything wrong...I was just being the usual nice and friendly and caring me and still everything went wrong...and I have no clue on why... :( ...I didn't do anything....I swear...I just thought I was happy...that I finally had found someone special to share my life with...but apparently I couldn't be more wrong... :( oh well life as I know it....just sucks!!!!!

Why do you have to be in my thoughts?? Why? When I honestly want you to go away!! But I still think of you every other moment every day...puss på dig J...

Why?

"You think you have it all and you’re happy
And then suddenly everything is taken away from you
And leave you standing there alone
Wondering what really happened?

I was so glad
I thought that I for once
Had found something special
Just to have it
Taken away from me

How can that
In any book
Be fair?"

Monday, what a sad day...

So...monday night and I'm all alone...earlier today came the first sms from Him saying that he wanted to come over to get his keys to his apartment...just his bad luck then that I wasn't home... :) hahaha

I had a really nice time out last Saturday...eventhough I might have gotten a little bit too drunk...but it went fine anyway...so that I must do again...ok...not the too-much-drinking part though but the going out to a club part and meeting new people...my goal to getting so drunk that I wouldn't think of Him...kind of worked...but then the aftermath came and yesterday I didn't feel so good for many reasons actually...

Life really sucks now...everything sucks....nothing is fun anymore and there is nothing to look forward too either...I don't know what to do really...
Why can't it be my turn to be happy? But oh no...that would be a really stupid idea...*sigh*... I think I stand by that...love is just overrated...it doesn't really exist...it's just some sort of mass hypnosis...people are just imagining...and then there are a few that are totally immune and apparently I'm one of them... :(

Oh well...I have to go to bed now...probably thinking of him...as I always seem to do lately...and why really? He doesn't want me naymore...when am I going to get that into my thick head? Will I ever? I know at least that we have to talk...he needs to answer a few questions of mine...in order for me to understand...I know that he doesn't think that we have anything to talk about but that's where he's wrong..but then on the other hand he thinks he's free too...and yet he's so whipped by his ex that he can't see it... so really what do I want him for then?
Well because during the time we got together before the ex from hell came and ruined everything...I got to see the real him and how wonderful he can be...and that is who I want...I don't want the whipped version...I want the real version...
But sadly...apparently the real version has nothing to say in the matter and the ex wins once again...*sigh*

My heart aches for him...I liked him more than I thought...puss på dig J....

Abandoned...

I feel a little bit abandoned right now...none of the people I want to talk to wants to talk to me...I feel alone...I really feel like I have no friends...and especially none that are special...*sigh* what to do?
It's really hard when you want company and got none...usually I do just fine on my own and don't need anyone to talk to really...but right now I feel like I really need someone to talk to and there is none...I think it can have something to do with my somewhat broken heart...what do you think?
Well later today my best friend is coming down here to visit me from the big city...and we are going to party and I'm going to get so drunk that I forget why I'm so sad...or I'll probably won't forget it but still...I can try...

I still want him... :(

Ain't no sunshine anymore...

Well…the sunshine’s gone now…it didn’t last as long as one had hoped…and the end wasn’t a pretty one either…actually it was a really ugly and hurtful end…I didn’t think that someone ever would do something like that to me…but still he did…and it’s all because of his ex that he doesn’t even want…or so he say anyway…she took my sunshine away from me…someone that doesn’t even know me just robbed me of something so wonderful…I know…I know…he’s to blame too and yes he is…but I do blame her more…because it didn’t started to stop until she came back from her vacation…and then she probably realised that this guy that she had dumped about 18 months ago all of a sudden had found himself a new girl and she didn’t like that…because then she couldn’t use him as she has done these past 18 months…so she had to stop it and she did…pretty much immediately…
I’m just so sad that there are such people out there…people that only cares about themselves and doesn’t care on whom they step on, on the way to making themselves satisfied…

So you see people…it’s pretty dark here right now…and I’m not sure that the sun will ever shine on these parts ever again…I’m not sure I want too…I guess some people are just meant to live alone…and apparently I seem to be one of them…why else would I keep on banging my head into the wall all the time?
I got to know him for about 3 weeks before everything was wrecked…I still like him and I’d like to get the chance to prove that him and me could be pretty good together…but I don’t think that will ever happen now that the bitch is back in town… :(

Så puss på dig vart du nu är…

Sunshine here...

Hello…well…the sun is still shining on me and I’m so happy…he’s so nice and cute and everything…I have now known him for 19 days…not that I’m counting or anything… :) and I just like him more and more…

Well, last weekend we went to a place called Mantorp Park to watch some Drag racing…which was really fun…those cars are so cool…and the sound and the speed…wow… :) anyway…we spent a really nice day together…this new guy of mine is really into cars and as for me…well I don’t know that much about them…but I do like Drag racing…and have done so since I was about 17…so I had no problem in accompanying him to this event…
Although it was raining when we arrived and walking from the car up to the Park itself left us really and I mean really wet…since of course we didn’t think of bringing some umbrellas…:( not so fun though…but it was still a great day…and the best of it all was that I got to spend it with him… :) I’m just so happy for finally getting this chance of happiness…and I hope, as everyone else that are in love, that it will last forever… :)

Nice colour, huh? :)

Puss på dig pussgurkan...tycker om dig mer och mer för var dag...