Silence...

Ok...so now it's all quiet again...and it feels like it was forever since I talked to Him...but in fact it was only like 2 days ago...but still...why haven't he even sent me an sms? And he's not online either...and I don't want to crack and be the first to send an sms...I want to show him that I can funtion without him...even though it's hard...real hard....I think I need to forget about him....it's the only way...try to make myself busy so that I don't think about him...but how can I when all I have to do is listen to his music and I'm sucked back in again...oh...I haven't told you...he's sings and plays the guitar and he does it really good too...even though he doesn't think so...but what does he know? I think it's great and I love to listen to it too....because it feels like he's talking to me...and that makes me all warm inside...
I wonder if he really...I mean really know how much I like him and how he makes me feel....I don't think so...he thinks he does...but I don't think so... but really what difference does it make? None! Because he won't leave his gf anyway...he's too afraid...hey look I'm not saying it will be a walk in the park being with me... or with him either...but I'm willing to take that chance...I jsut wish he was too...because the way I see it...his current relationship doesn't seems to be too healty...I wonder what he gets out of it? But I'm not sure that I can ask such a question...oh well...life sucks...at least for some peole....some have it all good the lucky bastards....and then there's me....and my life isn't so good right now...but I hope yours are...
I will go to bed now...hoping that I at least can dream some nice dreams about a nicer life...

puss puss p... I need you...I really do...

Alone...

"The road feels so lonely
And walking here alone
Doesn’t help much
Not having a goal
Not having someone
To go to
Or even to return
Home to
That’s loneliness
And that’s how it is for me
I miss that feeling
That being loved
Gives you
I miss someone
To love..."

I just wanted to say...

"Thank you
For all that you
Made me feel
You made me feel
Beautiful and
Attractive
And when I’m with you
I even feel a bit
More self-confident
I like the feeling
Of feeling
Beautiful
Attractive and
Self-confident
So
Thank you…"

A new direction...or?

So...I've been thinking...perhaps it's time to change the direction of this page...and start to make it more general...and not so much about Him and my heart ache...or perhaps I should start another page...hmm...I have a friend that has a funny and nice site with lots of different things and lots of pics too...perhaps I should make one of those but then again...it's not really me...hmm...nah...I'll just continue on this path...:)...sorry guys...I know it can be a bit boring but hang in there and someday I might even say something clever... :)...and perhaps I'll then add some wisdom to your life...how about that? But on the other hand...how many are really reading this anyway?... so...I might as well just write whatever comes to mind...:)
So lately it really feel like I walk along the road all alone...with no one in sight...and I'm not walking towards someone either...I just feel so alone...even now after having met him I feel even more alone because for a moment I got all that I have longed for, for so long just to have it been taken away again...so now I stand here feeling double alone and I don't know what to do about it either...and it's really sad too...just because here I am so full of life just longing for someone to give it too...but I don't want to give it to just anybody...so what shall I do?

puss puss p... if you only knew just how much...

Think about it...

Courtesy of MsTags.com

So true...

Courtesy of MsTags.com

It's true...

"You're just too good to be true
I can't take my eyes off of you
You're like heaven to touch
I wanna hold you so much
You're just too good to be true..."

Gaps?

Ok...so there are small gaps between the entries...oh well...perhaps it means that I'm starting to move away...or just that I don't want to repeat myself too many times... :).. probably the last one... but it's true...I do repeat myself alot...and I know that...but then on the other hand I did explain in the first entries that I was going to write down my confused thoughts and so I do...and they're really confusing sometimes...right? :) but then on the other hand...I don't really think that there are so many that reads this so...what different does it makes? It really is just for me to air my thoughts...
Because nothing will change just because I write it down...now will it? No, he will still be with her and I will still be alone...longing for him...which is stupid...I know, I know...but hey...as I have said probably a hundred times before...love makes you do stupid things...and you can't help who you fall in love with...
but I will try to stop having the feelings for him...and I will just be a friend...the best one he can have so that he'll never want to be without me...and then he'll see what he didn't want...
Life will go on...I know this...even if it's hard to understand sometimes...oh how I wish my life could be a little bit more exciting...
I want things to happen....I want to be loved and to love back....but apparently that's not for me...

Oh well....I have these feelings and they won't go away just like that...I'll try to make them but...

puss puss p... I really do like you more than I can say...

Wise things heard on TV...

"Transformation...sometimes turns out to be better than you could've imagined..."

Ain't it true?

"Sometimes in order to move forward...you have to stop looking back..."

Just another day...

Hello...I was wondering....why can't life be like it is in the movies? Where you get what you want?...where you make a wish and it comes true...especially if it's your birthday...oh how I wish it could be like that...

Today is my birthday...but it wont be the kind of birthday I'd like it to be...it never is...and probably never will be either...
I actually am starting to think that I will never have that nice family life that I want to try out so badly...because I can't seem to find the right guy...the guy that have all that I want...they're rare or so I've heard...well...I thought I had found him....but it can't be really...since he is taken so obviously he's not meant for me...so why do I want him so badly then?

Why can't I have the birthday present I want?

I will never get what I want...*sigh* and knowing that hurts alot...alot more that you might think...

puss puss p... oh how I wish you'd be my birthday present...

True or not?

"Life is short...and it sucks alot of times..."

Wise things heard on TV...

"Sometimes it's not only easier to walk away from something...it's also the right thing to do..."

Ten to two...

Oh how I miss him...I really long for him...and so finally comes the moment I've been waiting for...an opportunity arise and she is going away...it's just that he finds out a little too late for me to change my plans for the weekend and go to him...so now I feel like I'm wasting time...time I could've spent with him... :(...and that really sucks...I mean those moments aren't that many...and they probably never will be either... :(
I don't know what to do... I feel so much for this man...and I want to share everyday-life with him...I want to show him what a life with me could be like...but how can I? When I can't even get to see him whenever I want? I think I have to break free...break free from him....break free from what I feel for him...break free from me even in a way...but how can I? Can someone please tell me how to do that? I really need to know...for my insanity...because you know, love can really make go insane...I believe that...
Oh well...why should today be any different from yesterday or the day before that....or every day up until now? I just want to be loved...ok so I want to be loved by someone special but still....just to be loved...to have someone to hold me and to just love me....for me...for the thing that makes me special...to come up to me and tell me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me... because of the simple reason that he loves me....so easy....why can't he?
Why does he need to be taken? Why? Why couldn't he have waited for me? I waited for him...sort of...*sigh*...

puss puss p... I don't know what to do with all these feelings I got for you...

Deep inside of me...

"Deep inside of me I have a heart
Who’s beating for you
Deep inside of me I have a heart
Who’s burning only for you
Deep inside of me I have a heart
Who’s longing just for you
Deep inside of me I have a heart
Who tells me I like you
I really do..."

Over the mountain and far away...

Ok...so I'm still sick...but a little bit better though...now it's just my voice that is all cracked up...and I cough a lot...and I feel alone...:(
It's weird actually...I love talking to Him and yet after each time I talk to him I end up feeling even more alone...I just long for him so damn much...I just want to be in his arms....want him to hold me and hug me...and just love me...and eventhough that have happened before...at least the holding and hugging part...I can't be sure of that it will ever happen again...and that feels so sad...almost scary actually...since being in his arms feels so good...so safe...and I so wish that they could be mine...but they'll probably never be mine so I should just stop thinking like that really...but it's hard...
And right now I also long for hearing his voice...I want him to call me...just because he wants to talk to me....like he use to do alot before...but not so much anymore...and I know, I know....he can't do it so much since she is so jealous...but come on...he do leave the house pretty much every day...so some time there must be to just give me a call....or if not that then at least send me an sms telling me that he thinks about me or something....
I wonder how he would feel if I would meet someone else...I know he says that I should really so that I can be happy...he just fails to see that I want to be happy with him...so one minute he wants me to find someone else just to say in the next that he wouldn't like it if I did...hmm...I know, I know...he has no say in it...since he's taken...and I know that but still....but as they say (in swedish anyway) : "You don't know what you have until you lose it..." and then unfortunately it's usually too late so...he will probably realise that....later and then perhaps regret it...or he will never realise it and still go on thinking that he is in a full and rich relationship...and that it can't get any better... hmm.....perhaps I just beleive too much in me or there actually is a small possiblity that I might be right...which I believe though....ok so I don't know her...and I only know what he tells me...and what he don't tell me...and I might be wrong about the whole thing but actually their relationship doesn't sound too healty....that much I can read between the lines....and that's why I feel that I might be really good for him...or to be correct I know I would be good for him...just too bad that he doesn't see it... :(
I just hope that he would see what a good and wonderful person he is and truly believe it too...as I do....because he really is...sure he has his flaws...but everyone does...that's because we are humans... :) hahaha....

puss puss p... just think how wonderful it could be...if it was just you and me... :)

Something to think about...

"How much bagage do you have to get rid of...in order to move forward?"