Wise things heard on TV...

"If you let moments slip away...then they're lost forever..."

Not a word...

"I’m sad
I feel low
Why should it
Be so?
It’s because
You don’t say
A word
Not an sms
Not a phone call
Nothing
I feel
Rejected
I know I shouldn’t
And it’s probably
Not even so
I just want you to know
That’s how it feels
When you don’t
Say a word..."

Water falls...

Today have been a weird day…I have realised though that I am depressed which is not so good…and I’m bursting with feelings that should come out…but they wont because I wont let them…I can’t let them out…I want to tell Him how I feel…but would that change anything? Would he leave her then? I don’t think so…and now it’s even worse…it feels like something have happened that have driven a wedge in between us…he feels so distant like as if he have gotten tired of me…which he might as well could have…and that hurts…so why should I pour my heart out to him then and risk to get even more hurt?
Or should I lay all my cards on the table? And tell him just how much he means to me? How he makes me feel when we are together? Tell him that I have never had these strong feelings before? I can’t…I’m afraid to be so vulnerable…I’m alone and I have to be strong…I can’t let my guard down…even if I am bursting inside…
Ok…so now I guess I just need to turn on the water and let it all out for awhile…I’m alone so I can do that…


"I don’t think that I will win this

I’d like to think I will
But honestly I don’t

I think I’ve lost my heart to someone
Who cannot care
Who cannot be there

So why do I do such a stupid thing then?
When I knew from the start
That I couldn’t have his heart
Not completely anyway

I don’t know how this could happen
I don’t understand it
I’m not usually like this
I don’t give it away so easily
I’m too scared to get hurt

I don’t want to get hurt
But I will
Sooner or later
Yes I know this
Because it’s me who is the loser in this
I really don’t think that I will win this

That’s why I get so mad
At myself
For letting myself feel
All these feelings
Why couldn’t I just keep my heart closed?
Like I have done for a long time
Why did I have to let him in?

Everyone knows
How hard it feels
To love someone
That cannot be yours
To feel that feeling of
Hopelessness
And to know that
Nothing will ever change..."

puss puss p...gud vad jag tycker om dig...

Dear snugglepuff...

"Oh snugglepuff,
I like you so much
I really do
And I think I always
Will too
So never think
Whatever I do
However I act
That I don’t care
For you
Because I do
I will never get
Tired of you
And leave
If you ever gave me
The chance to prove it
But right now
The situation is different
And I think
It’s for both our bests
That I slowly fade away
To let you live your life
With whom you choose to
And without interference…

What do you want
Snugglepuff?
What do you want
Me for?
To just be friends with…
Forever?
Never to touch?
Never to kiss or hug?
Ever again?
Is that the solution?
Never to meet again
Because to meet is
To stir up feelings
To stir up the wanting
The needing for
Touching…

So snugglepuff,
How do you want
It to be?
What do you
Want from me?
What can I do
To make you see
That all that
You want is me?
How can I
Compete with the
Old and familiar
When I symbolize the
New and unknown?
How on earth can
I win this?
Please tell me
I want to know…
I need to know…"

I'm back...

I’m back…and I think I’m feeling a bit depressed actually…I can’t stop thinking about food and goes out into the kitchen ever so often to see if there is anything in there to eat…but there isn’t…I have some candy but it’s not so appealing actually…I want something else…what I just don’t know…anyway…
This weekend have made me see that liking someone as much as I do is not easy to do…especially if that love cannot be returned, not completely anyway…and it hurts actually…I have been home for 2 days now and he hasn’t called me yet…that rejected feeling is starting to come over me again…I know I know…I’m being stupid but who said that you’re rational when you are in love?
Anyway…I did produce some short poem-like texts this weekend but they’re all pretty grey and sad…I have come to realise that perhaps the best thing to do is actually to give up…to just let him go and try to find someone else…someone that is free to love me…
So…here will follow a few short texts on how confused I am and how it hurts and so on…overall my confused thoughts and all the heartache I feel… hahaha

"So hard, so hard
This parting will be
But I think it’s for
The best for me
I have so many feelings
And it hurts so
And the feelings
Gets more and more
Each day

I don’t want to hurt you
I want to see you
Meet you
Talk to you
I want to love you
But you make it
Hard for me
I can’t understand
Why I have to be
Alone
Was this the meaning
With my life?
To get a taste of
How wonderful it
Could be
But never have it
Completely?
Where’s the fairness
In that?

So, I think
I have to go
I don’t want to
My heart screams
“NO!!!”
But my head says
“It’s for the best…
Leave him alone
And let him live his life…”
It sounds right
But why does it
Hurt so then?"

"I want to be near you
I like you
I want to touch you
I like you
I want to be touched by you
I like you
I want you to want me
As much as I want you
I like you

And all this is
Tearing on me
Not knowing where
I got you
And knowing only
That when you’re
Not with me
You’re with her…"

"What am I doing?
How can it feel
So right
And so wrong
At the same time?
Why do I feel
Like I want
To cry
So very often?
I’m jealous
Of everyone
That has someone
I want one too
I want to be loved
To be the
Only one…"

"I’m confused
I don’t know
What to do
I don’t know
What to say
How to act
I want to tell
You so much
All what I feel
But I’m afraid
I’ll push you away
Sometimes that
Can happen
Believe me I know
Unfortunately…"

"I need to let go
I know I do
But it’s so hard
When all I want
Is you
I’m more in to you
Than I’ll admit
And in a situation
Like this
That’s no good
Anytime else it
Would have been
Great
But now…
No…
So that’s why
I have to let
Go…"