So, now have the whole day past...he called me once more...or actually twice but I missed the last one...:( and now he's home and can't really call me...too bad...but on the other hand I don't really want him to call me when his gf is there right beside him...he's not the same person then...for obvious reasons of course....even I know that...I know that I'm the third person here...I know that I'm the one that should back away and leave them alone...but how can I when I know in my heart that this is the one for me? It's so hard....
"It’s hard to
Long for someone
Especially when
This someone
Is so far away
And far away
Doesn’t mean just geographically
Emotionally as well
Unavailable
Not mine"
And it really makes me wonder what the reason for meeting him was if not for falling for him?
"Isn’t life strange?
Two strangers meet
As friends
But then it all changes
And a sudden wave of emotions
Stirs up
Unexplained emotions
Unexpected feelings
And everything could
Be all good
If both were free to choose
Each other
But life isn’t that easy
It’s never that easy…"
So why...and this I ask myself a million times over and over again...why does it have to be this way? Why does it have to be so hard?
I wish he could be here next to me...just talking to me...but no....I can't even talk to him over the Internet either...oh I feel so sad...
Oh God, why? Can't you see what this does to me?
oh well...that's it for now I think....
puss puss p...
Saturday, 31 March 2007
Waking up to the phone...
Woh-hey! Today started in a really good way...let me tell you...I am normally a person who is really tired in the morning and hates being awoken by the phone ringing...but that all depends on who it is that is calling...:D...to the story is also that I only have one phone and that one is not located in my bedroom...that one is stationed (it's not a wireless one) in the livingroom...so when the phone rings I have to rush out of bed and run into the livingroom and answer...so you see it's not just that I have to wake up I have to get out of that nice and warm bed too...and so mostly I wouldn't bother but then it's just a small thing about me and that is that I'm a really curious person so I have a hard time not to answer...hahaha....what a dilemma, ey?
Anyway this morning I did get up and answer and I'm glad I did for it was HE who called. I was so happy to hear his voice...I really love talking to him, hearing his voice and all the sweet words he say...
"My life
My light
My everything
My God
How I love to
Hear your voice
A call from you
Can really
Brighten
My day!"
So it was a really nice way to start the day...and I'd love to start everyday like that... :)
(I was actually meant to post this earlier but other things came up...)
puss puss p...
Anyway this morning I did get up and answer and I'm glad I did for it was HE who called. I was so happy to hear his voice...I really love talking to him, hearing his voice and all the sweet words he say...
"My life
My light
My everything
My God
How I love to
Hear your voice
A call from you
Can really
Brighten
My day!"
So it was a really nice way to start the day...and I'd love to start everyday like that... :)
(I was actually meant to post this earlier but other things came up...)
puss puss p...
Friday, 30 March 2007
Feeling sad, low and just not wanted...
Well...so..I'm feeling a bit low...haven't talked to him today...:( ...not yet anyway...ok unless you count late last night...or this morning might be more correct... :)
Internet is a wonderful thing...it really is...you can talk to people all over the world...and pretty much whenever you are online there will be someone out there to talk too...you don't have to feel so alone...and that is good... :)
So, back to my confused mind...for a moment I decided to give up...I'm so tired...I have been alone for a really long time so I'm not really up for playing around just to end up even more alone in the end...since that's how I will feel when I lose him...and unfortunately I really believe that I will...
I think I got it bad for this guy...unfortunately...because everytime I don't hear from him I feel rejected...is that how it suppose to be? I don't think so but it still does...perhaps I'm just stupid...I know that some people think I am...after all he is taken...but still....don't they say that everything is fair in love and war? Hmm...I'm not a bad person...I just have been putting others ahead of me for so long that I think it's time for me now...and if some will get hurt in the way then...I'm sorry for them...
"I feel a pain in my heart
And I don’t know why
There is no reason for it
I’m not ill
I’m not in love
I’m nothing
And still it’s there
It won’t go away
Is he worth it?
Is he all that I want?
Do I want to spend the rest of my life with him?
Have a family with him?
Do I really want him in my life?
One little word can answer all
That word is…yes.
But how can he be?
I barely know him.
He makes me feel beautiful
He makes me feel wonderful
He makes me feel sexy
He makes me feel confident
He makes me feel that I can do anything
That I can have anything I want
Except for
Him
He’s not available to me
Not in the way that I want
He’s taken
And has been for a long while
But now is another time
It’s my time
And I’m gonna get him
Because it’s my time
I want him
I want happiness
Too
It’s my time…"
Internet is a wonderful thing...it really is...you can talk to people all over the world...and pretty much whenever you are online there will be someone out there to talk too...you don't have to feel so alone...and that is good... :)
So, back to my confused mind...for a moment I decided to give up...I'm so tired...I have been alone for a really long time so I'm not really up for playing around just to end up even more alone in the end...since that's how I will feel when I lose him...and unfortunately I really believe that I will...
I think I got it bad for this guy...unfortunately...because everytime I don't hear from him I feel rejected...is that how it suppose to be? I don't think so but it still does...perhaps I'm just stupid...I know that some people think I am...after all he is taken...but still....don't they say that everything is fair in love and war? Hmm...I'm not a bad person...I just have been putting others ahead of me for so long that I think it's time for me now...and if some will get hurt in the way then...I'm sorry for them...
"I feel a pain in my heart
And I don’t know why
There is no reason for it
I’m not ill
I’m not in love
I’m nothing
And still it’s there
It won’t go away
Is he worth it?
Is he all that I want?
Do I want to spend the rest of my life with him?
Have a family with him?
Do I really want him in my life?
One little word can answer all
That word is…yes.
But how can he be?
I barely know him.
He makes me feel beautiful
He makes me feel wonderful
He makes me feel sexy
He makes me feel confident
He makes me feel that I can do anything
That I can have anything I want
Except for
Him
He’s not available to me
Not in the way that I want
He’s taken
And has been for a long while
But now is another time
It’s my time
And I’m gonna get him
Because it’s my time
I want him
I want happiness
Too
It’s my time…"
Loved...
"Here I go again
Pouring my heart out
Just begging to get hurt
And for what?
Haven’t I learned anything?
Don’t I remember what it was like
When I grew up?
Did I win anything in telling
All the boys how I felt?
No!
Nothing!
They never returned the feelings
If anything they shied away even more
From me
So how can I be so stupid then?
Why can’t I learn to keep my mouth shut
And just be glad for the crumbles?
Well I know why…
I want so much more
I want to be loved
Totally
Utterly
Only
Exclusively
Loved"
Pouring my heart out
Just begging to get hurt
And for what?
Haven’t I learned anything?
Don’t I remember what it was like
When I grew up?
Did I win anything in telling
All the boys how I felt?
No!
Nothing!
They never returned the feelings
If anything they shied away even more
From me
So how can I be so stupid then?
Why can’t I learn to keep my mouth shut
And just be glad for the crumbles?
Well I know why…
I want so much more
I want to be loved
Totally
Utterly
Only
Exclusively
Loved"
A little explaination perhaps...
Ok, perhaps I should explain a little to why I am so confused...heartache of course...what else? hahaha....and the worst kind too...well almost the worst kind anyway...he's taken...and I really like him alot and yadda yadda yadda...the usual stuff....
And what's worse almost...is that he says he likes me too...but he's still taken...and it doesn't really seem like he's giving her up anytime soon either...
"Oh, give him up"...you probably think...but see that's the tricky part...I'm not so sure that I can...and really he's not my type either and still I find him so attractive and everything....I just want him so much...and preferably for the rest of my life too...weird feeling actually...that you kind of stumbled upon the person that you can see yourself with for the rest of your life...
Oh well...I'm very familiar to the saying that life doesn't always turn out the way you want it too....and so will it probably not do this time either... :)
So now will some poem like texts follow...mostly meaningless babbling though....I think I will start off from the beginning...although it will only be me who will know in which order the texts should come... :) hahaha...as I said...I'm confused...:)
"It all started with that first hug. The one you gave me at the bus station when we first met. I wasn’t prepared on that you’d give me a hug but you did and it felt so good. We were strangers but in the same time we weren’t. It is the weirdest feeling. I loved that hug and all the hugs that came later. Because to be hugged by you is a wonderful feeling. I just love the feeling that I can just crawl into your arms and stay there and feel safe."
"Thank you for the moments
Thank you for giving me the time and attention
Thank you for giving me confidence
Thank you for saying you like me
Thank you for making me believe it
Thank you for your kisses and warm embraces
You made me feel something that I have never felt before"
"I need you
I need your touch
I need your kisses
I need your hugs
I need that feeling of goodness when I’m near you
I need your attention
I need you"
ok...that's it for tonight...I really have to go to bed now...it's like morning and I have to get up in like 3 hours....*yawn*...besides my eyelids keeps on closing... have no idea why though...hahaha
puss puss p....
And what's worse almost...is that he says he likes me too...but he's still taken...and it doesn't really seem like he's giving her up anytime soon either...
"Oh, give him up"...you probably think...but see that's the tricky part...I'm not so sure that I can...and really he's not my type either and still I find him so attractive and everything....I just want him so much...and preferably for the rest of my life too...weird feeling actually...that you kind of stumbled upon the person that you can see yourself with for the rest of your life...
Oh well...I'm very familiar to the saying that life doesn't always turn out the way you want it too....and so will it probably not do this time either... :)
So now will some poem like texts follow...mostly meaningless babbling though....I think I will start off from the beginning...although it will only be me who will know in which order the texts should come... :) hahaha...as I said...I'm confused...:)
"It all started with that first hug. The one you gave me at the bus station when we first met. I wasn’t prepared on that you’d give me a hug but you did and it felt so good. We were strangers but in the same time we weren’t. It is the weirdest feeling. I loved that hug and all the hugs that came later. Because to be hugged by you is a wonderful feeling. I just love the feeling that I can just crawl into your arms and stay there and feel safe."
"Thank you for the moments
Thank you for giving me the time and attention
Thank you for giving me confidence
Thank you for saying you like me
Thank you for making me believe it
Thank you for your kisses and warm embraces
You made me feel something that I have never felt before"
"I need you
I need your touch
I need your kisses
I need your hugs
I need that feeling of goodness when I’m near you
I need your attention
I need you"
ok...that's it for tonight...I really have to go to bed now...it's like morning and I have to get up in like 3 hours....*yawn*...besides my eyelids keeps on closing... have no idea why though...hahaha
puss puss p....
The first one...
Hello there...
So here it comes...everyone says that one should have one of these...blogs...so I guess I'll give it a try...hahaha...
Not that I know if what I write will be of any interest to anyone...
Lately my life have been somewhat turned upside down and I feel that I have to get those thoughts out of my head...because I'm feeling a bit confused...so please bear with me if what I write might not make any sense to you...:) and do keep in mind that it is my confused thoughts that you are reading...
After that said...hope you'll have a great day and feel free to drop by whenever you feel like it.... :)
bye bye
So here it comes...everyone says that one should have one of these...blogs...so I guess I'll give it a try...hahaha...
Not that I know if what I write will be of any interest to anyone...
Lately my life have been somewhat turned upside down and I feel that I have to get those thoughts out of my head...because I'm feeling a bit confused...so please bear with me if what I write might not make any sense to you...:) and do keep in mind that it is my confused thoughts that you are reading...
After that said...hope you'll have a great day and feel free to drop by whenever you feel like it.... :)
bye bye
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